


Pros and Cons

by Hideous_Sun_Demon



Series: The Start Of The Rest Of Our Lives... [3]
Category: Designated Survivor (TV)
Genre: Confessions of love, F/M, Fluff, Kendra is a nerd, Kendra’s fear of commitment, Light Angst, Lists, Season 3!verse, Seriously there’s barely any, Trey is a sweetheart, also pancakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-09 08:38:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14712780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hideous_Sun_Demon/pseuds/Hideous_Sun_Demon
Summary: Kendra, for once in her life, doesn’t know how to handle a situation. Her solution? Lists.





	Pros and Cons

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fibi94](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fibi94/gifts).



> Happy birthday, Fibi94!!! To celebrate, here are some cute nerds.
> 
> This is going to be part of a series of oneshots for how I wish season 3 could have gone. (Or, if we are renewed, how I hope season 3 and beyond will go. Fingers crossed!)

_Say I Love You Back???_

The words were a tight scrawl across the top of the page, underlined neatly with a sharp line dividing the Pros and Cons ruled underneath. Kendra tapped out a frantic rhythm with her pen as she narrowed her eyes at the two blank columns waiting to be filled in, the same way she’d been staring at them for the past ten minutes.

Kendra Daynes was quick on her feet, and even quicker with her mind. She could react and adapt to any situation thrown her way- she wasn’t one of the best lawyers in the DC area for nothing. And yet, she mused, thinking back on the last few seconds before she’d walked out the door that morning, and yet.....Trey Kirkman had left her speechless.

Trey had made breakfast. Kendra thanked her lucky stars that he hadn’t gotten cooking lessons from his brother- she’d had the misfortune of tasting Tom Kirkman’s idea of ‘edible food’ before. Trey was clearly the culinary talent in the family, and he was able to whip up some seriously good pancakes. Kendra usually appointed herself in charge of breakfast when she stayed the night- and she’d done that enough times by now to know her way around the kitchen with her eyes closed- but Trey must have been feeling like a gentleman that morning.

“It’s the least I can do, seeing as it’s my big brother that’s working you to the bone,” he’d said with a smile as he played maître d’, pulling out a chair for her with a flourish. Pancakes were laid out in front of her, along with a steaming cup of black coffee- they both liked it strong, and Trey had quickly learnt that the smell of roasted coffee beans was the only way to lure her out of bed some mornings. “Anything else for the fine lady?” he’d asked, and Kendra had laughed as she pulled him down for a kiss.

“This is perfect,” she’d murmured against his lips after they pulled away from each other.

Kendra liked the way Trey smiled after they kissed; like he was holding his breath, like he was waiting for the punchline. She liked it because she was able to kiss him again and prove to him that it was all real.

The moment was cut short by the inevitable morning rush, the way all their mornings tended to be. Kendra was almost out the door when Trey cornered her again, luring her into another kiss. “See you tonight?” he’d asked, puppy dog eyes on full display, as if he had to work to convince Kendra to come over anyway.

“You can count on it,” she’d said, before gently pushing him away. “I gotta go.”

“Fine,” he’d pouted, and Kendra gave him one last grin as she opened up the door. “Have a good day. I love you.”

Kendra was out the door and down the stairs before she’d registered what he’d said.

And that was how she’d ended up here, eating up the time in her schedule as she agonised over Trey’s words, running them over in her mind again and again. She felt like she was in middle school again. ‘Does he like me or does he like-like me?’

But no, that wasn’t really the question, was it?

Kendra didn’t do long term relationships for a reason. No matter what, there would always come a point where she’d screw things up somehow- say the wrong thing, leave for too long, feel too much or not enough. Even after agreeing to a proper dinner date with Trey, after their first one night stand-home invasion fiasco, deep down she hadn’t really expected it to go anywhere. So while their first date turned into two, then four, then seven, Kendra reasoned that they were just dates, nothing serious. And when Kendra found herself staying over at Trey’s every other night, well, she wasn’t too keen on her own apartment after it was broken into and shot at by a would-be assassin, so it made sense, right? Even as they learnt how to cook each other’s favourite meals, settled in to watch crappy reality TV at night instead of having sex, and started to learn how to read each other’s silences, Kendra still hadn’t quite convinced herself that this was a real thing.

But “I love you”- that was as glaring as a neon sign, and Kendra couldn’t rationalise it away any longer. That was commitment, and Kendra needed to either take the plunge or step away, because the one thing she couldn’t bear to do was hurt Trey.

She started writing, slowly at first and then faster as she got into the rhythm of it. This was what she was good at after all, weighing up arguments. She stared down at the list as she finished off the last point. The Cons column stretched out long and accusatory in front of her.

 _Cons_ :

_-We’ve only been dating for 2 months_

_-His big brother is your boss_

_-You don’t have the time for a full time relationship_

_-He puts ice cubes in his wine (who does that????)_

_-Do you even want to be in a committed relationship right now?_

_-You’ll have to introduce him to mum_

_-What if he changes his mind?_

_-He thinks Coldplay is good music_

_-You’ll fuck it up and hurt him_

Kendra resisted the urge to circle and underline the last point. Shifting her gaze to the Pros column, she eyed the single point written down. The disparity between the two columns left her with a twisting in her gut, but before she could try and think of anything else to even it out, Lyor popped his head around the doorframe.

“Chop, chop, the President is waiting.”

Duty calls, she thought sombrely, throwing her pen down and hastily tearing out the page from her notepad to put in her pocket. And besides, she realised, this was all about honesty. She had nothing else to write.

The page sat in her pocket, heavy as a paperweight, throughout the rest of the day. Even as she threw herself into her work- and there was plenty to keep her busy- it kept snagging at her mind, like a child tugging on her skirt. Kendra had hoped that organising her thoughts on paper would help settle her, but it only seemed to have exacerbated her flurried worries. Talk to someone about it, a voice that sounded suspiciously like her mother’s chimed in her head. But, really, who could she sit down and have a conversation with? In the past, discussions about her love life- rare as they were- tended to wind up being with Emily. But that was before Emily had resigned. And what with the allegations surfacing about her involvement with Russian agents, Emily Rhodes would be the last person on Kendra’s list of potential confidants nowadays.

Seth, then? They were good friends, even closer after Emily’s resignation. They’d all drawn closer to each other since Emily had left. But he seemed more stressed that ever these days- the pressure of dealing with the President’s announcement that he was running for re-election, as well as Emily’s resignation and possible criminal activity, and processing a near death experience was clearly taking its toll. The poor guy looked to be teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown most days, and Kendra didn’t want to pile on with her personal baggage. There was Aaron, but he and Kendra didn’t have that sort of relationship yet. And Lyor- Kendra had to bite down on a snort of laughter at the thought of dishing with the Political Director about her relationship. Alright, that left nobody, except...

As soon as the thought of talking to the President flashed through her thoughts, Kendra’s mind recoiled in knee-jerk horror. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t be okay with talking to her- Tom Kirkman had an open-door policy for all his staff, she knew that. She also knew that Tom only wanted his brother to be happy- and, she suspected with a warm pride, that sentiment seemed to extend to her as well. But discussing her intimate relationship with her boss’s little brother with the man himself was a level of awkwardness that Kendra was simply not equipped to deal with. This...whatever it was she had going on with Trey, it felt too intimate, and Kendra wanted to keep it close to her chest.

In fact, she realised suddenly, the only person she wanted to discuss it with at all...was Trey.

And that was exactly what she was going to do. Even if she hadn’t promised Trey that she would come over, she knew her feet would take her there anyway. He was impossible to stay away from. Kendra left the White House as soon as she could, drumming her fingers impatiently on the wheel as she drove the familiar route to Trey’s place, a place that she now knew as well as her own. The pros and cons page burned in her pocket as she hastened up the steps and knocked on the door.

The distinct sound of a mad scramble came through the door, and it flew open almost immediately, as if Trey had been eagerly waiting for her knock. He played it cool though, grinning boyishly at her as he waved her in.

“Hey, hey, hey. How was work?” Trey asked, and Kendra floundered for a second. It was the same thing Trey always asked her when she came over from the White House, but it was only now that Kendra realised how domestic it sounded. The only thing that was missing was the kiss on the cheek- and, no, there it was.

“It was, uh, exhausting,” Kendra shrugged faux casually as Trey pulled away. “Rewarding. Infuriating. Just throw a handful of adjectives at me and most of them will stick.” That was how most days went at the White House. Kendra though Trey would get bored of her side of the story after hearing the President talk about the work, but he always seemed enraptured.

Trey clapped his hands together, rubbing them eagerly, as Kendra dropped her bag on the table and toed her shoes off with a sigh of relief. “So, I ordered pizza,” he exclaimed. “Sausage and mushroom, and anchovies, obviously, since you love them so much.” Kendra snorted a little at that- anchovies were her arch-nemesis in food form- but she was too distracted by her anxieties to fully appreciate the joke.

Trey seemed so calm, so casual. He seemed like he hadn’t spent the entire day overthinking one exchange between them until it nearly drove him to madness, which- yeah, that was a classic Daynes move, she had to admit. But still, even as Kendra carefully scanned his face, he wasn’t giving anything away. No expectant look, thank god. And no regret either, which would be far worse. Did he even mean what he had said? Did he even remember?

Now though, there was worry, clear as day through the dip of his frown and the telltale dimple above his left eyebrow that always got more pronounced when he was concerned. Trey had clearly noticed her distraction, because he sighed heavily, beckoning her over.

“Kendra, can we talk?”

Kendra gulped as she allowed herself to be led over to the sofa. This was what she wanted, right? A talk. A discussion.

Oh god.

“This morning-“ Trey began, shook his head, started over. “I, um, I really like you, Ken. I’m crazy about you, actually. Have been for a while now. And what I said to you this morning, I wasn’t thinking- no, no, that sounds bad,” he hissed in frustration. “I meant what I said,” Trey squeezed her hand at that, eyes wide and vulnerable. Kendra squeezed back. “I really, really meant it. But it just sort of slipped out, and neither of us were prepared, and I know you were probably agonising over it all day-“

He knew her that well. Kendra’s heart ached.

“So, I guess what I’m saying is,” Trey continued hurriedly, “I don’t want you to- to feel any pressure. I totally get it if-“

“You have a dimple above your eyebrow,” Kendra blurted out, and Trey stuttered to a confused halt. “Right there,” she brushed it gently with her thumb, “it shows up whenever you frown. It’s cute.”

“Uh...”

“And you always ask me how my day is, even if I forget to ask you about yours because I’m so exhausted,” Kendra continued, honestly unsure of what was going to come out of her mouth next but powerless to stop it, “and you buy chamomile tea even though you don’t drink it, because I do. And you talk in your sleep sometimes, and you have more mismatching socks than matching, and...and...” Kendra smiled lopsidedly, “and you never get anchovies on pizza, even though you love them, because you know I think they’re disgusting.”

Trey’s face was still a picture of confusion, eyebrows drawn together as he tried to puzzle out Kendra’s ramblings. Kendra whipped out the piece of paper from her pocket, smoothing it out and handing it over to Trey. “You were right,” she said, “I was overthinking what you said today. As soon as I heard those words, I heard ‘commitment,’ and-“ Kendra laughed self-deprecatingly, “-and all the alarm bells went off in my head. I wasn’t sure what I should say back to you, so I drew up this pros and cons list.” She watched carefully as Trey’s eyes scanned the list, gaze lingering on one spot in particular.

“I had this long, long list of cons,” Kendra said. “....and only one pro.”

Trey’s eyes rose to meet hers. He set the paper on the coffee table. “So. What does that mean?”

“It means...” Kendra sighed. “It means I don’t care about the list. And I don’t care about commitment, whatever that means for us. What I care about is all that other stuff. Because- because I love you.”

Trey’s eyelashes fluttered like leaves in a storm as he blinked once, twice, more times than Kendra could count, struck silent in shock. Then an exuberant grin stretched out across his features, alighting his entire face. “You said it,” he breathed. “You love me.”

Kendra could feel herself blushing, but for once she didn’t care. “Yeah, yeah, I do.”

“You actually made a pros and cons list,” Trey said, still breathless and flustered. “I’m in love with a massive nerd.”

Kendra beamed at him, entwining their fingers. “You sure are.”

Trey’s eyes dropped back to the list lying abandoned on the table, and his face sobered suddenly. Kendra’s heart dropped. “There is a problem though, Kendra,” he began, and Kendra felt every muscle in her body seize up. This was what happened- something would always go wrong, she messed this up-

“If you don’t think Coldplay is good music....I’m sorry, but that’s a dealbreaker for me.”

Kendra burst out into incredulous laughter, silencing Trey’s answering giggles as she pressed her lips against his for a scorching kiss. Trey tipped back against the sofa cushions and Kendra ended up straddling him, hands braced against his shoulders as she reluctantly pulled away from the kiss. Trey smirked up at her.

“What about Mumford and Sons, though? Because seriously-“

“Oh my god, shut up,” Kendra laughed, and kissed him again, long and delighted. This silenced Trey properly, and he could only blink dopily up at her as she rested her forehead against his.

“I love you,” Kendra whispered again. She was never going to get tired of saying that.

“I love you too,” Trey replied, and he looped his arms around her to pull her closer. Kendra lay her head against his chest and relished the feeling of his heartbeat against her cheek, all hers.

The list lay forgotten on the table, face up. The cons column was full to the brim with arduously neat handwriting, black and damning. The pros column had only a single entry.

_ Say I Love You Back??? _

_Pros:_

_-You love him too_

**Author's Note:**

> For once I get to write a canon couple that isn’t full of angst and tears and suffering. Yay me.


End file.
